This is not a pity party for me at all because in all honesty I am fine. I love who I am and how I am now. This is just something I want to share because I can and if anyone happens to read this maybe they could relate and know it’ll be okay.
Growing up my best friend, and she still is to this day was always “the Pretty One” or at least when we got to the point where we started liking boys and wanting their attention. I was the “Fun One”.
When we were about 15 or 16, I guess 16 probably we started working at a campground where our grandparents had a camp. Being a campground there were also a lot of boys around. I was not boy crazy or anything and I went to school where there were guys but I didn’t particularly care to “date” or hang out with any of them because being a smaller school, all of my friends and everyone else already had. I wanted to meet someone outside of my school. So once I started working at this campground I would meet a lot of guys. I was not interested in everyone and there were only a couple that I was interested in at all but they were not interested in me once they saw my friend. My friend and I would work together sometimes but a lot of times we would work separately but when we weren’t working we would go for walks through the campground or swing on the playground. So if one of the guys I happened to be interested in was hanging around or saw us walking by maybe they would try to talk to “us” (really just her). I quickly saw that and understood what was happening.
Again this is not a pity party for me because I am really quite happy in my life and with who I am. I am also in a really wonderful relationship now with a really wonderful man who I know loves me for exactly who I am (and believe me he’s seen every side of me and still loves me). This is also nothing against my best friend because I love her and would do anything for her and while it did cause a little tension, at least on my end between us when we were younger, that was just really about my own insecurities.
Okay, so a lot of times my friend would know that I was interested in whatever guy because I told her everything. I think she was always aware of the attraction that guys had towards her but she was never outright flirting with them in front of me or even trying any sort of thing with any guy that I liked. If a guy would talk to us, you could tell that they were definitely more interested in her and she would talk to them back obviously because she was/is a really wonderful person and was being nice. Guys would talk to me as well and it’s not like they weren’t interested in me but it was never in any type of they “like” me way. It was always like you’re fun or funny or whatever. I do think that I have a pretty decent personality and I do think that I am fun. A lot of people’s first impression of me is that I am drunk or high. I never was then and am normally not now. I don’t do drugs and while I do drink I am rarely ever really drunk especially if I am out in public or know I am going to be meeting new people. But the reason that they thought/think this is because I just naturally have that looser, inhibitions lowered kind of thing that most people have when they are drunk. I like to say I’m naturally drunk. Like people get natural highs from running (because unless someone is legit chasing me I will never be running) or whatever I am just naturally drunk.
So I learned pretty early that I was the “Fun One” and she was the “Pretty One”. Not that she wasn’t fun. She is a ton of fun, if she was not I doubt we would still be friends. She is a truly wonderful, fun, caring, loving, smart person and yes, beautiful too. No one especially at that age really cares though about anything beneath the surface of a person. They see your exterior (face and body) and that is how they determine who they want to hang out with or see more of. I am not putting myself down and I did not think I was not pretty but I was not as pretty nor did I have certain assets that she had but I was fun and that was fine.
Most of the guys that I “liked” were not really someone I was interested in as in like a long term thing or whatever I mean I was like 15 or 16 but it was still a little hurtful that I was almost immediately “friend zoned” for lack of a better term or word. This was not always the case, there were a few guys over the years that were interested in me and chose to talk to me a little more but that was not a majority of the time. But regardless, her and I were a package deal and if you wanted to spend time with one you got the other. We obviously had our own lives and stuff too but for the most part we really were together almost all the time and if one was around the other was probably right behind. She was not only my best friend but more like my soul sister and still very much is. Unfortunately we live about 900 miles apart now but that’s a different story.
Okay, back to my original point. After the first multiple instances where I realized guys were less interested in me I started to think it was my friends fault. Of course it was not but I was insecure and knew that I had stuff to offer and was fun so clearly she must’ve been the problem. It did cause a little bit of an issue between us for a bit but we cleared it up pretty quickly and I understood that one, no guy is worth losing her over and two, if they can’t see beyond just a pretty face then they are not worth it (I don’t mean that she was just a pretty face or that I wasn’t but if they weren’t wanting to get to know the “real ness” about either of us then they weren’t worth it). Now, it’s easy to say this looking back and while I got used to my “role” I still of course cried over stupid guys that didn’t like me back but it never stopped me from telling them I liked them. I was never one of those girls that waited for the guy to talk to me. Maybe I should have been but no one ever seemed to want to come talk to me (which again maybe I should have taken as a sign) because while I was “naturally drunk” I was also quite shy. I know it doesn’t make a ton of sense but that’s a majority of me, I don’t make a lot of sense to most people but I make perfect sense to me and that’s all that matters.
So, if I liked a guy I didn’t waste time hoping that maybe they would talk to me, I would tell them I liked them and then the ball was in their court so to speak. If they wanted to do something about it they could, if not or they showed more interest in my friend than so be it. I made my feelings known and I could move on.
The real point to this post though was not really just about me and my friend but to anyone who finds themself in a “role” such as the “Fun One” it’s okay. It may suck for a little while and play on your self esteem and make you think that maybe that’s all you’ll ever be but it won’t be. You are more than enough just the way you are and it may just take a little longer for a real man or person to come along and appreciate the “Fun One”. It took a while for the right man for me to come along. I was even married before the right man came along. I did talk about it a little in my post about my divorce but this exact thing of being in this “role” is why I ended up being with someone and marrying him before realizing what I really wanted. It took me a while to develop the sense of self that I have now and know what I want. I am still young and have more about myself to realize but I am at the point where I at least know myself enough to know what I want and who I want.
Basically don’t let a guy or anyone for that matter determine your worth or how you feel about yourself because it doesn’t matter in the end it only matters how you feel about yourself. Also, if you have a best friend/soul sister, don’t blame them if they’re the “Pretty One”, blame the immature guys that don’t appreciate either of you for who you really are. Also, my next post will talk more about guys and they’re not getting “it’. It will kind of go along with this post.