This post may come off as little man hate-y but it’s not. Also, this is not about ALL guys just the ones that don’t “get it”, I’ll explain what that is in a second. So, if you’re a guy reading this and feel defensive about it maybe it’s because you’re guilty of some of the shit that I am about to talk about.
This is mostly inspired by a phone call I had with my best friend the other day and a little on my own experiences, and a little on things my friends have told me about their experiences through the years. Also, the stuff I’m talking about I am not saying that it is just stuff that guys do because I know some girls are guilty of it too. But since I am a girl and have only had experiences with guys that do it, that will be my point of view on it.
I know that there are many different types of relationships and people in this world. But my point of view is that of a straight female in a committed monogamous relationship with a straight male.
Okay so to start off with I guess I’ll talk about getting into a relationship when you may or may not want to stop talking to other people. If you are getting into a relationship with another person and you don’t want to stop talking to other people that needs to be something that is discussed up front. If the other person is okay with it than by all means you can keep on doing what you were doing. However, the experiences that I have had are with people (again these are not just my experiences) who would not be okay with it and there was no conversation ever had about if the other person wanted to continue doing that. It’s also not just when getting into a relationship. It’s at any time throughout the entirety of the relationship, if you do not have that arrangement with your partner then you SHOULD NOT be talking to other people.
It’s not that freaking hard to stop talking or entertaining other people. When I was separated from my ex, I started talking to a few people and one of them was my current boyfriend. However, I quickly realized that I really liked him and while I wasn’t sure where it was going I wanted to focus solely on him and what we may or may not have and stopped talking to other guys. Now had I not wanted to I would either have not gotten into a relationship or would have talked to him about how I still want to talk to other people. It’s really not hard to take another person’s feelings into consideration. I have been on the other end where I have been in a relationship and found out that my partner was talking to other girls and it really, really hurt. It was all I thought about for a long time and sometimes still do because I just had no idea why. There was no real issues in the relationship that I could think of and I just didn’t understand why he would be entertaining other girls when he claimed to love me.
Now you may be thinking “how did you find out if he didn’t have any conversation with you?” I went through his phone. I know that it is not something you should do and I did apologize for it and do feel bad about it but at the same time I had a gut feeling that something was going on and decided to see if I was right. Guess what? I was! It sucked and it really hurt and the even worse part was when I talked to him about it he lied. I asked “Are you or were you talking to other people?” He said no. I showed him a picture of himself that he had put on a site where he was talking to other girls and he apologized there was more to the conversation but it was also filled with some lies and when I found that out I was hurt all over again. All I could think was “why?” and “what’s wrong with me where he needs attention from other girls?” You know what? Not a damn thing. I am a wonderful person (of course I have my flaws and things) but for the most part I am a genuinely nice person.
So moral of that story, just talk to your partner if you want to keep talking to other people or have some type of open relationship. I would not have been okay with it and would have left but at least I would’ve known he thought enough of me to tell me the truth. However, it really isn’t hard to not entertain other people when in a relationship. I love my current boyfriend and while other people hit on me occasionally and I could talk to other people I don’t because I don’t want to and the thought of hurting him tears me apart. I would never do that to him because he deserves better than that. So to any of you out there doing that to your partner unless you have talked to them about it, STOP! Think about how you would feel in their position because I can tell you from experience it really freaking hurts and I feel like if the person you’re with really loves you they should be more concerned about hurting you than hurting some random girls feelings by telling them that they have a girlfriend and can no longer talk to them.
Another experience and this is from my most recent phone call with my bestie is similar to what I just talked about but I’m going to tell it anyway. If your partner has an issue with someone that you talk to especially of the opposite sex, and I’m not saying that guys can’t have girl friends and girls can’t have guy friends, but someone who maybe your partner has talked to or been shady about when talking to them or something of that nature and you bring it up to them and talk it out and you think things are okay because maybe you were told things would change. Well then maybe you’re sitting next to your partner and they are scrolling through facebook and likes this persons picture and you lose your shit. Again, this is not such a big deal depending on who the picture of is and what the picture is but this goes back to respecting your partner and their feelings. Also, chances are that if a guy is liking a picture of another girl it’s because the girl has her tits out and is looking for that attention. Don’t give me anything about “slut shaming” or “flaunting what your momma gave you”. NO. You know why you took that picture and posted it, you wanted every guy’s attention. Now I’m not saying that I’ve never taken a picture like that or dress provocatively sometimes but if I do it’s because 1) I was looking for the attention when I was single or 2) I want to send the picture to my partner or dress in something I know my partner likes. Not that girls have to or should dress for their guy but I like to sometimes because he’ll mention it and it makes me feel good and I also feel good. Guys don’t understand the way girls operate and girls get gut feelings about things and normally they are correct. Also, why do you need to give another girl so much attention if you’re already with someone you claim to love. Also, this is not so much about the girl that posted the picture as the guy who has a girlfriend but the point is that he still did it and didn’t respect his partner (my best friend) enough to stop being friends with her or at least maybe scroll past rather than “like” her stuff.
So the “it” I’m talking about with guys is STOP doing shitty things and learn how to treat your partner with basic respect. Again, I am not saying that all guys do this and that all guys don’t get “it” but seriously it’s not that hard. Also, guys if the “excuse” or “reason” for your doing something shady is something along the lines of “guys are naturally built to look at other girls tits or some shit when they are dressed in something even remotely low cut” stop your bullshit. If you can’t keep your eyes to yourself or on your girl there’s no excuse but being an asshole. I once had a boyfriend who would turn to look at me whenever a Victoria’s Secret commercial came on and I know that it was just because I was in the room but it was nice to know that he valued me enough to do that and not openly gawk at another girl in front of me. Especially since a Victoria’s Secret model I am not. (Not that I would have cared if he watched the commercial but the notion was sweet).I know he probably looked when I wasn’t there just like he probably checked out other girls a little when I wasn’t around but I also don’t think he did that a lot or in a creepy way. Again I know this is coming off as man-hatey but I swear it’s not. I’m just really sick of guys and their shit. When I am in a relationship I am loyal and sure maybe I notice that another guy is attractive but I don’t really look at other people and I know that probably sounds like a lie or that I’m trying to make myself out to be above others or whatever but really I don’t. I don’t feel the need to because one my boyfriend is super hot and two why do I need to be looking at other people? You could even ask my boyfriend and I’m sure he’d confirm what I just told you.
I just want guys to know that they need to stop being shitty and be respectful of their relationship and their partners feelings. Having been on the receiving end of shitty things it just really hurts. I still think about things sometimes and some stuff is just reallly hard to get over. Sometimes it’s stuff that can be talked about and worked on or fixed and sometimes as much as it sucks you have to leave the relationship and find the guy that will actually treat you the way you deserve. This goes for girls too. As I already stated my stance and my experiences is solely with guys, I know there are shitty girls too. Sorry to anyone who may be reading this. I know this was basically just a really long rant but it’s been on my mind and honestly I wish I would have read something like this a long time ago and things may have turned out differently for me but the past is exactly that and my present is for the most part pretty great. Anyway to whoever read this to the end, thanks.