Relationship Advice

Relationships can be wonderful but sometimes they can be awful. Every relationship has it’s issues of course but there’s a difference between some arguments here and there and a real problem. I am not a relationship expert by any means but between my own experiences and listening to and giving my friends advice, I feel confident enough to speak to an issue that I think is a deal breaker in any relationship: cheating.

I have been cheated on and I have seen other people cheated on and I am here to tell you, leave! I know that this time of year, around Valentine’s Day, everyone wants to feel all in love and romantic and while I am all on board for Valentine’s Day, although I do feel that you should treat your partner like every day is Valentine’s Day, it may also be a good time to assess your relationship. Do not be blinded by the sweet gestures that your partner may be showering on you.

I know that some people try and work through a cheating partner and maybe some are successful but for me trust is a really hard thing to get back once it is lost. Also, I think cheating is more of a pattern behavior than a one time deal even though that’s not always the case.

I was cheated on in the very early stages of my relationship to the man I ended up marrying and I think that was a big reason for me, why we ended up divorced. Our first year together was spent apart. I was home finishing up my last year of high school and he was an hour and a half away in college. One day out of the blue he had texted me saying he thought we should take a break. I was devastated. We barely spent any time together and any time we did talk or spend together was always wonderful so I couldn’t understand how he could need a break. The next time he came home he had given me a reason why he wanted a break and we ended up working through it and ending our break. Later down the road I found out the real reason he had wanted a break, he had cheated on me.

This hit me like a ton of bricks. He had cheated on me shortly after telling me he loved me, so I didn’t understand how you could love someone but still cheat on them. What had I done that he needed someone else? My trust and my heart were broken. I should’ve left but instead I stayed since we had been through so much since then and we talked and he said it was only the one time and so I decided to stay thinking it was the best thing to do and I loved him, I didn’t want to leave.

I don’t think he ever cheated on me again but for a while anytime we were apart he would call me and ask me if I ever thought about being with other people. I obviously said no because if I had those thoughts I wouldn’t be with him. I believe if you want to cheat you should just break up with your partner because obviously they don’t mean that much to you if you could do that to them. But even though he asked me these things (another sign I should’ve left) I don’t believe he cheated on me. But there were multiple times I would cry myself to sleep even a few years after I had found out he had cheated because all I could picture was him and some other random girl (although I definitely called her a worse name in my head, probably unfairly) and how he could have possibly done that to me, a person he supposedly loved.

To be fair, I should’ve talked to him about it more if it was on my mind, but I thought we had worked through it and what was the point of bringing it up just to only hurt both of us again? Years down the road though, after the engagement, after the marriage, I still thought about the cheating. Again, even though it was only one time, it hurt. Especially since there was no real reason, not that there is an acceptable one anyway, but all he had said was he was drunk. I have been drunk multiple times and never once have I even had the urge to cheat on anyone. If you can’t control yourself while you’re drinking, maybe you shouldn’t drink that much. I know inhibitions are lowered and judgement is impaired but plenty of people can drink a lot and not do that so it’s no excuse.

I know it’s hard to leave someone you love but I really truly believe that cheating is just something that can’t be pushed past. As I have said, I had thought about the time I was cheated on years after it happened, it shatters your trust, your confidence, your self worth because all you can think about is why it happened and what you did wrong, when in reality it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

Also, physical cheating is not the only kind of cheating that should be left. There is emotional cheating. I have had both kinds happen to me. Talking to other people can also be a form of cheating if it needs to be hidden from your partner. I’m not talking about friends of the opposite gender talking but if you feel you need to hide it from your partner, than it is not okay. I have guy friends and I enjoy talking to them sometimes but I never feel like I have to hide it from my boyfriend because there’s nothing to hide. We are strictly friends but when it turns into something else that’s when it’s time to end it or not let it get there to begin with. Finding out that your partner is talking to other people or asking them for pictures and thinks of that nature hurts just as much as finding out your partner actually slept with someone else. To me there is no difference, you’re cheating.

This is all of course if you don’t have some type of understanding or open relationship because if you do and that works for you then wonderful, and this does not apply to you. If you are in a monogamous relationship though and you have been cheated on, first of all, I am so, so sorry because I understand your pain, second of all, please leave. Again I know that some people can work through it but I really believe that you can’t and your trust will always be on shaky ground if you do decide to work through it. I know for me I would always think every text later at night, or every glance at another person walking down the street or at a picture I thought he lingered a little too long on felt like a punch in the gut and it just hurt me all over again.

An important thing to remember though is that you have been cheated on, it does not mean that every person is going to cheat on you. You don’t want to take past relationship problems and bring them into your new relationships. Not every person is the same.

Anyway, that’s the end of this post and stay reading because the next posts will be much more up beat and will have Valentine’s Day ideas for hair, make up, clothing, and date ideas.

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